Renewal

"Jesus shows us another way. Not painless, and not passive. Follow him. Find your trusted spiritual friends. Open your soul to them. Ask them to watch with you and pray. Pour out your soul to the Father. Rest in the sovereign wisdom of God. And fix your eyes on the joy set before you in the precious and magnificent promises of God."

I posted this same post about a year ago. It's interesting how God puts different trials before me to teach and show me who He is. A year ago, and today, I am still the same wretched sinner who is in need of Christ. A year ago, I was wallowing in selfishness and pity; today, I'm struggling with pride and the fearlessness of my God. I was so spoiled with the Word, with a strong community of believers, with weekly gatherings with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Today, the fight is so much more difficult now with work consuming most of my time and energy. Neglecting God and the lack of mentioning/praising His Name fades His presence in my life, leading to a weakened faith. I don't remember the last time I professed outloud the goodness and glory of God in worship. Embarrassed. Afraid. Time to time, I remember the Gospel... but it's fleeting and often replaced quickly with what work/chores/errands that needs to be done next. I come home, weary from the day, I mindlessly peruse and shop for clothes or wander through YouTube... because it's just that mindless, leads to emptiness, loneliness.

Where do I begin again? A relationship that has lost its fire -- it's flare. I can't do this on my own, I need You, Father. Why have I lost the need for the Gospel? Where is my confidence? Is my faith real, or is it just for show? God, I need Your help, forgive me for my lack of motivation, inward eyes, distrust, and foolishness. I need Your spirit to reenter my soul and bring renewal. Renew again the JOY of your salvation. May I delight in Your presence. Satisfy my heart. Bring me back to You again.