Grieving

 I cry a lot. Thirty second commercials can bring tears running down my face. Weddings? I'm a running faucet. God has made me to be an emotional person, allowing me to relate and empathize with others. However, my emotions are selfish. I cry (aka whine) when life doesn't give me what I want... (yes, I did cry when I got a "C" on a paper in college). My emotions often cloud and twist my thinking. Instability of the world will remain... but will I be firmly founded in Christ, not uprooted by the wind or storms?
In honesty, I've been mourning a loss of a friend, and it's probably as of yet, one of the most difficult things to let go. In this season of life, the worst have come out of me; things so vile that I never knew that could be produced... it's sickening. It's a raging battle in my heart. But thank the Lord for his unwavering love and forgiveness. I feel so shameful and undeserving of any grace, but looking towards Jesus, I am reminded me that He has taken the shame and this brokenness... and given us hope by defeating sin on that cross. Hope for all things to be renewed and restored. "[t]he battle is the Lord's," and we are victorious.

I am so blessed to be guided by such a wise and humble pastor. He emailed me the following:

"Emotions aren't weakness, they are signs that something/someone matters to us, and because people matter to God and to us, they are worth crying over.  In fact, sometimes I wonder if it isn't a sin that we don't cry more, that we can become callous to heartbreak (or we simply try to ignore, rationalize, or suppress it) and to the way that it points us to Christ and to our hunger for restoration--anyway, I do hope that you will allow yourself to grieve, even to cry.  Not to sound too counselorish, or overly spiritualizing, but mourning and lament are such an important part of our worship and our experience with Christ.  Please don't feel bad for allowing yourself to feel and to mourn what is broken, especially in light of the hope of all things to be restored and made new. "

This world is full of broken people, broken relationships, broken health, broken leadership... and let's take the stance of Paul. As we writes to the church of Philippi from prison:

"Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and their glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Christ, who will TRANSFORM our lowly body to be like his GLORIOUS body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." (Philippians 3:17-21)

 May I be reminded of my citizenship. It's not American, it's not Canadian, it's not on Earth, it's not in this universe. My citizenship is in HEAVEN. Equipped with all the spiritual gifts, I am given the privilege to serve a King of kings, Lord of lords, who had served me by laying His life for my sins. May I have a soft and loving heart, like Paul's, that weep for the brokenness in this world. To have the courage and faith to ask for revival, transformation, renewal for the broken. For nothing is too hard for you, no heart is too stubborn, too far for You. So today, I pray for our broken world, where sin seems to be unstoppable, but God, we know at the end of time, sin will be no more, and You will bring all things new. Thank you for thinking of us, giving us hope, and citizenship to heaven. Let us be ambassadors of Christ, representing Him in word and deed so that people would see and know how awesome, how free it is to be in Christ.