The Longest Distance

The longest distance is from the head to the heart.

I know how I'm suppose to think, I know how I'm suppose to act, I know how I'm suppose to feel, I know how I'm suppose to be like. But I don't think, act, feel, be like I'm suppose to. As Paul writes:

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:15-25)

I like how Paul paints a picture of his heart, constant wrestling with the dual nature of his heart. He doesn't hide it, he doesn't self-exalt himself as super "spiritual." Rather, he genuinely expresses how he struggles with the evil that is waging war inside of him. It's easy for me to put on a persona for others that all is good with me and God; I can fake a smile and a sweet gesture when in my inmost heart, I really don't want to be nice or sweet. It's easy for me to put that mask with God too. I fall into the lies telling me that I'm not good enough for God, that I'm just too sinful to be before God, that I can't trust in God, that I'm just useless. I have to remind me the truth that Jesus Christ saved me from these lies. I am worthy in Christ; I don't need to hide or fake before God, because He already knows me inside and out;  God has created me in His beautiful image for a beautiful purpose; He never forgets, always faithful; He wants to bless me abundantly; His love covers all sins.

Don't let the enemy's lies get into my head and in my heart.

I'm imperfect, but made perfectly in Christ.