1) Driving to the park for pictures on my cousin's wedding day. Decked out in our bridesmaid wear, my sister and I looped around for a good 30 minutes in an area that we thought we knew. And of the entire wedding party, we were the only ones that actually lived in the area...
2) It was Thursday night Bible study; I arrived there without any problems. So getting back would be no big deal, right? Wrong. There went another hour of driving around.
3) Running in a neighborhood shouldn't be too hard. I thought to myself, "Just remember the houses, don't worry about which street." I turned left, turned right, turned right.... "Where am I at? Eh, I'll just backtrack... maybe I turned left instead, hmm, I don't remember running by this." "I think this was the house I passed awhile ago..." "Maybe I should call someone. Wait, I didn't bring a phone. Who's phone number do I know? I think I know my sisters. I know my mom's, but she's no good with directions either." "Look! There are kids playing, maybe I'll ask them -- but that would be a bit creepy." Finally, I convinced myself that I should ask someone. I spotted a woman getting her mail, so I ran up to her and pantingly, asked her for directions back to school. Though she offered to drive me back, I thanked her and ran my way back. Interestingly, I still had a sense of uneasiness, even when I had the directions memorized in my head. I trusted her, but not enough. Not until I saw the gate did I feel relief.It's our nature to take reign of our lives, to control every aspect of it. I always had in my head that picturesque life and future. Be married to a perfect husband, raise well-mannered kids, have a nice home with a garden, be financially stable, be respected in the community and at our workplace, serve in a healthy church, et cetera, et cetera. Sometimes I am so focused on attaining these goals that I think that I am following God's will... but in reality, I'm actually lost. It's not that God doesn't want to bless us with a family, a community, etc. but how are we going to react if something didn't go the way we wanted it to? For me, I will probably react in anger, nervousness, fear, self-pity, and resentment.
Instead of chasing after my own dreams, God reminds me that His purpose will be done in the end:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21)
He also calls us to offer our lives as living sacrifices:
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)
Okay, so I know that God calls me to not to follow the patterns of this world, meaning I need to put all of my control aside -- surrender my eutopic picture and conform to God's will. But letting go of the reins of my life takes trust, takes courage, takes faith. There's no easy, painless way to surrender, because it goes against our selfishness. But I am reminded that "[...] in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) He is my shepherd. He guides and prepares my path before me. Though often reluctant, I need to prayerfully ask and seek Him to direct my steps -- kinda like asking for directions when I got lost on my run. By His grace, He doesn't accuse me for having taken the wrong turns and not keeping on track, but He wants and desires to lead me back again.
Lastly, deciding to follow Jesus is one thing -- like having the directions in my hands or mind. The next step is to have full trust and faith in His plans. Similar to my run back to Midwestern, though I knew in my head where to turn, I still doubted.
So my prayer is that I have greater trust and faith in Him and His plans. May my short life be a living testimony of the Gospel so that God, alone, is honored and praised. Forgive me of running my own path, pursuing my own eutopic dreams. Be my vision, so that my life can be tailored to Your will. And even if I lose everything or gain nothing, may I still praise you because I have already been given the greatest gift -- Jesus Christ.
"Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path." (Psalm 119:105)
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May I also be reminded that without Christ, I am lost. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
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